The Last Resort
by BTRKogan
Summary: Logan is ridiculed, and he wasn't a to end it all with the sweet mercy of death. Tell me if you want it a two/three-shot. T for older themes.
1. Chapter 1

**A/N: I have no idea where this came from, but I lik it so...**

**Disclaimer: I, in no way, own Big Time Rush**

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><p>This was it. This is the last resort.<p>

After years of cutting, burning, and other various ways of causing myself pain, I was done.

This was the end.

Nobody was home so it was the perfect opportunity. I held the razor to my forearm, pressing on the vein lightly, drawing blood.

I took the envelope with my note to my friends and put it down next to me. I stated at said envelope as I thought.

I had to do this. It was the only way to make it all end. In my note it explained everything. My reasons, what I've been going through, and of course I said sorry.

_I'm so sorry for doing this, but it had to be done. I couldn't take it anymore. All the hate and ridicule. People can be so cruel. And the worst part is that you-James, Carlos, and Kendall-you guys knew. But you did nothing to stop it. I bet none of this would've ever happened if I wasn't gay. My dad wouldn't hate me, people would actually treat me nicely, you guys would care. But no. So this is the end. You guys don't even know how hard I took everything that was said. It was all awful to me. _

_I've done so much over the years, probably since I was 14. I've cut myself. If you don't believe me, check my hips, thighs, and stomach. But don't say I didn't warn you. There are a lot of them. And those burns? Those weren't accidents. I've done all this, but this is the last resort. This is the only thing that can completely stop all the pain. _

_I hope you guys are happy when I'm gone. I won't be there to hold you back anymore. You don't have to go around embarrassed with your gay friend at your side. I bet you didn't even want to be my friend. You will probably be much happier now. _

_I'll seen you soon enough. _

_-Logan_

That was my note. I thought it was good enough to get my point across to them and explain myself.

With a deep breath, I took the blade and pressed harder, dragging it across my skin and tearing the flesh. Blood started running out and I watched with a smile as it dripped on the bed.

I repeated this action several times, many deep gashes on my arm. I was sitting in a puddle of my own blood, but kept going, getting weaker and weaker. My vision was getting fuzzy, and I smiled knowing that this was the end. I went for another cut, but found myself too weak.

I was breathing heavily and my vision was getting worse and worse. Before I knew it, my vision was all black and I took one final breath.

And that was it. I Logan Mitchell was dead, on my bed, in a puddle of my own blood, psychotic smile on my face.

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><strong>AN: So that's it. I know it's short, but everything I write is short, since I have not the best attention span. So, tell me wacha think. I'm leaving this marked as in progress for now. You guys tell me if you want me to add another chapter or two about them finding Logan and all the stuff that happens after. Please review and tell me if you want that. **


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Got two reviews that helped in no way(but thanks or reviewing anyway.) I also got an alert, so I take it that they wanted me to keep writing, so here goes.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Big Time Rush**

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>Kendall POV<p><p>

I walked into 2J with James and Carlos laughing about how Mr. Bitters had fallen into the pool. He had gotten so furious at everybody laughing, he made us all leave.

"Imma go change, okay?" I told my friends.

"Oh-kay," James said breathily, recovering from his fit of laughter.

I walked down the hall to mine and Logan's shared room to find the door closed. Logan had stayed behind, so I knew he was just in there probably reading.

I knocked on the door And waited for a response. When I didn't get one, I called out Logan's name. When I didn't get a response once again, I gently pushed the door open. What I saw before me was horrifying.

There was Logan, on his bed, razor in his hand by his side, laying in a pool of blood. The part that scared me most was the smile that was in his face. He looked so happy, and it made him look crazy.

"Logan!" I screamed running to his side.

"Ohmygodohmygodohmygod," I said frantically. James and Carlos rushed into the room having heard my scream.

Their eyes looked like they were about to pop out of their heads when they saw Logan.

"Somebody call 911!" I screamed, hoping that the EMTs could do something. James whipped out his phone and dialed the 3-digit number. I grabbed Logan's hand and let tears roll down my face.

I noticed an envelope and grabbed it, ignoring the blood that covered it. I opened it up and found a note that was red-stained from the blood. I gasped in shock as I read the note.

_I'm so sorry for doing this, but it had to be done. I couldn't take it anymore. All the hate and ridicule. People can be so cruel. And the worst part is that you-James, Carlos, and Kendall-you guys knew. But you did nothing to stop it. I bet none of this would've ever happened if I wasn't gay. My dad wouldn't hate me, people would actually treat me nicely, you guys would care. But no. So this is the end. You guys don't even know how hard I took everything that was said. It was all awful to me. _

_I've done_ _so much over the years, probably since I was 14. I've cut myself. If you don't believe me, check my hips, thighs, and stomach. But don't say I didn't warn you. There are a lot of them. And those burns? Those weren't accidents. I've done all this, but this is the last resort. This is the only thing that can completely stop all the pain. _

_I hope you guys are happy when I'm gone. I won't be there to hold you back anymore. You don't have to go around embarrassed with your gay friend at your side. I bet you didn't even want to be my friend. You will probably be much happier now. _

_I'll seen you soon enough. _

_-Logan_

I sobbed harder and harder as I read the note over and over. Soon, there was a paramedic pulling me away from Logan's body. I hadn't even realized that they had arrived until right then.

"We will do all we can, but in all honesty, he's been out for too long. The doctor will pronounce him officially dead. I'm sorry," the EMT said. A sob escaped my mouth as I nodded my head in understanding.

I shuffled out of our room after them, tears streaming down my face. They left with Logan on the stretcher, and I sat down on the bright orange couch with the other two.

"Guess I should tell Mom," I told them sadly. They always considered my mom as their own. I pulled out my phone and dialed 'M' for Mommy. I never changed it after mansion sitting for Gustavo.

"Hello?" she asked.

"Hi mom," I said sniffling.

"What's wrong honey?" she asked me noticing the sadness in my voice.

"It's-it's Logan, mom. He-he's d-d-dead!" I cried. She gasped on the other line.

"What happened?" she asked. I could here he tears in her voice.

"He k-killed himself, mom. I can't believe it," I said through my sobs.

"Oh my god," she stated simply.

"We called 911 and they brought him to the hospital. They said they would try their hardest, but it didn't look good. He was out too long," I told her.

"Okay. We're on our way," she told me.

"What's wrong mom?" I heard Katie say in the background. My heart broke right then. Katie would take this so hard. She loved Logan so much, probably more than she loved me.

I hung up the phone and sat up.

"Might as well go to the hospital," I told my friends who had silent tears rolling down their cheeks.

They both nodded in response and got up.

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><p>James POV<p>

When we got to the hospital, I had finally stopped crying. I couldn't believe that Logan had killed himself. I never thought anything was wrong. I knew he was bullied, but he seemed to not mind at all. He always said it was fine. I hadn't expected this at all.

We walked into the hospital together, earning funny looks, as expected. It wasn't everyday you saw three teenage boys, emotional wrecks, one covered in blood. Carlos and I went to sit in chairs in the waiting room while Kendall went up to the desk to talk to the lady.

A few moments later, Kendall came back, fresh tears pouring from his eyes. All he could do was shake his head, which I knew meant we was officially dead. Carlos and I started a new round of sobs. We couldn't believe this was happening.

"Come on. They said we can see him one last time," Kendall said, body shaking due to his sobs.

He got up and followed Kendall who knew where he was going. Kendall looked at all the room numbers before stopping at 112. He slowly opened the door and we saw a body laying under a white sheet. I let out a sob as we all stepped into the room. We all pulled chairs over near the bed and sat down in them.

"I can't believe you did that Logie," Kendall whispered. I couldn't form any words and just sat there.

"I'm gonna miss you so much," Carlos let out an started crying all over again.

We sat in silence for a while, then Mrs. Knight and Katie burst through the door.

"Oh Logan," Mrs. Knight said seeing the body that was hidden under the sheet. Katie was sniffling, eyes red and puffy, tears daring to fall.

We all sat in silence, crying over our best friend. Right then was when I wished I could go back in time and fix everything and get my friend back.

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><p><p>

Carlos POV

I sat in the hospital chair, letting tears escape my eyes. I've never cried so much, and I didn't see myself stopping anytime soon. I just want Logan back so much.

I looked up when I heard a loud sob come from right next to me. I looked over to see Katie crying. I got out of my chair and gave her a huge hug. She threw her

head into my chest and sobbed and sobbed. I just wanted things to go back to normal.

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><p><strong>AN: So that was that. I actually am planning on a 3rd chapter! So yeah. Sorry if this isn't as sad as it should be, put I was dumb enough to play my playlist entitled "Partay all dayy:)" Notice the two 'y's. It make sit serious. Please review!**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: Dokay! Last chap****. Sorry if this sucks. I have my "Partay all dayy:)" playlist on again. It motivates me to write, but puts me in a happy mood, and I need to feel sad to write a truly sad story. And sorry for all the POV changes. I just want to show everybody's emotions and thoughts. **

**Disclaimer:...why in the world would somebody let me own Big Time Rush? So no...I don't. **

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><p><p>

3rd Person POV

Three teenage boys stood tall, trying to hide their pain as of they spoke of their best friend that had committed suicide.

"Logan was so great. He was such a good friend. He SEEMED to enjoy life, but that obviously wasn't the case. I wish I could tell him how much I loved him, in a brotherly way of course. In the note he left for us, it said he didn't think we cared, but we did. Lots. I wish he knew that," said Kendall Knight. He smiled and nodded as he stepped over so his friend could talk into the mic.

"Logan Mitchell. He is-was the best person I have ever met, and I just want to go back in time and tell him that. I wish he had talked to one of us about his feelings. You would have never guessed. He seemed so happy, and whenever somebody would direct a rude comment towards him, he would just just brush it off. I didn't realize how much those comments hurt him, and if I did, I would make it so I wasn't here, in this situation, right now," James Diamond said. He let a few tears fall before moving over for his friend to say his words.

"I loved Logan so much. He was so nice and always helped me with my math homework. And my science homework. And my English homework. And my History homework. What I'm trying to say is that Logan always made sure I knew what I was doing. I am quite stupid, I will admit, so he really did help me. I wish he knew that before he did what he did. I just want my best friend back," the usually hyper Latino, Carlos Garcia, said. He was now lifeless, usual helmet forgotten of days ago, probably sitting somewhere in the mess that was his and James' room.

The three boys went and took their seats as Jennifer and Katie Knight got up to speak about Logan theirselves.

"Logan was such a wonderful guy. He was more of a brother to me than my real brother. I miss him so much," Katie said, but had to stop there because she had started crying hard. She went back to take her seat and cuddle into her brother's side as she sobbed.

"Logan was such a great young boy. He was so smart, very talented, and a wonderful guy all around. He was one of the sweetest boys ever. I loved him like my own son. I wish he knew how loved he was before making that decision," Jennifer said. She sat, her being the last person to speak.

Logan was buried, and everybody was sad about the loss. Well, except for Logan's father who could care less.

Logan's three friends were picked up in a limo where they were going to do an interview and release to the public about Logan. The boys cried on the way there.

It was rough, but they knew they had to be strong.

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><p>Carlos POV<p>

As I sat in the limo, I couldn't help but remember all the times we fought over stupid things as we rode to various places. I laughed through my tears at the memories.

I wanted him back so bad.

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><p><p>

Kendall POV

I stared with no emotion at the empty seat next to me. I still couldn't believe what had happened. Logan was like my brother, and all I wanted was to see him again.

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><p><p>

James POV

I looked sadly out the window of the limo, tears slipping down my cheeks. I let out a sigh as I fell back, running a hand over my face and through my hair, not caring that I had messed up my brunette locks.

I really missed Logan. How could he be so stupid? He was the smart one! Well, he obviously didn't think this one through.

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><p><p>

3rd Person POV

The three boys slowly walked over to the many reporters that were gathered around Roque Records where they were going to announce what happened.

The second they were spotted, they were bombarded with questions.

"What do you guys have to tell us?", "What happened?"' and worst of all "Where's Logan?" we're just a few off the questions that were thrown at the boys.

"Well, that's what we're here to tell you," Kendall said bravely. Everything got silent as the boys were urged to continue.

"Logan was a victim of bullying, amongst other things, and he...he committed suicide," Kendall said shakily, bravery from just a few seconds ago gone.

There were many gasps coming from the reporters.

"What were some of the things he was bullied about?" asked one of the reporters.

"He was gay. He got lots of ridicule for that. And he was a 'geek' too. But the worst part is, and it's hard to admit, is we just sat there while it happened," James said to them. They all jotted down what he was saying before asking anymore questions.

"What were some of the other reasons?" another person asked.

"His dad hated him. He always considered Logan a disappointment, although that isn't close to the truth. Logan was amazing, talented, and smart," Kendall said with a smile.

"Is there anything else you would like to add? A message to the fans?" a woman asked.

"If you're a victim of bullying, tell somebody. You should never have to go through something like that. I know I'm not the smartest, but I mean what I'm about to say. If you have any thoughts of suicide, are hurting yourself in anyway, and anything along those lines, get help. You shouldn't think that you have to end your life over ANYTHING!" Carlos said. The other two boys were surprised. Carlos has never said something like that. He was never serious.

"Thank you for your time," Kendall said bluntly as he headed inside with the other boys.

Nothing would be the same.

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><p><p>

When the news was released that night, everything was crazy. The whole fan base was basically bawling their eyes out. The guys started getting fan mail with letters saying sorry for their loss and gifts to make them feel better.

Nothing was the same for the band. When it just wasn't working out anymore, they ended the band. Again, the whole fan base was bawling their eyes out.

The guys went on to live their lives, James going back to LA to be a model, and Kendall and Carlos both worked hard and made it on the Minnesota Wilds.

With everything they did, Logan always crossed their minds. They missed their friend more and more each day.

They had to go through this just because Logan thought death was his last resort.

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><p><p>

**A/N: Again, sorry for the switchiness. I just wanted to show the guys feelings after the funeral. And it probably sucked. I changed from my "Partay all dayy:)" playlist to my "Randomss". Yeah. I add extra letters. **

**But thanks for reading! Please review and tell me wacha think! **


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